Also, I'd rephrase that text as: "There's more to software than price. Freedomware is good for you, your business and society".
I'm not sure about this... do you see Bob as a business owner? Were you thinking about "finances" rather than business?
Nope. I think I was not very clear; I meant "Freedomware is good for you, businesses and society". I'd like to include businesses there, because of the common misunderstanding we all know.
There are two points that are basically the same thing (source code): "Now you can trust your computer" and "It works through source code", so I think we should merge them.
That's what I did, although not quite as you suggested. Criticisms welcome.
I like that "source code" is not mentioned; if it's needed, I think we should use a user friendly synonym like "software repice".
4. don't be afraid
I'm not fond of the "non-free" and "proprietary" adjectives for that kind of software. May I suggest "freedom-trampling software" instead? Altough it's perhaps too offensive for the context (who has a better alternative?).
I share your thoughts about non-free software but I have to disagree here. "Freedom-trampling" is extremely strong and we'd need much more space and time to justify that term.
I share libervisco's view that in this case it's better to not go too much against the user and focus on how good freedomware is instead.
I think that would be an utopia; I doubt you can promote freedomware effectively without letting people know why you're against freedom-trampling software. Even the current draft, in paragraphs 1 and 3, talks about the problems of freedom-trampling software. And I think paragraph 2 should too: "(..) No-one will call you 'pirate' if you share this useful tool with your family and friends".
Anyways, fortunately we won't need a polite edition of "freedom-trampling software" because the current draft doesn't mention "non-free software".
We find the term "freedomware" to be the most explicit, least ambiguous of all these terms.